Heck of a day, at least inside my skull. Small, not that significant concerns suddenly exploded into massive, panic-inducing nightmares as they’re connected to my immediate emigrating future. Resolved, now – but still, it’s the kind of thing that leads podcast co-hosts to mutter “I am never, ever leaving this country.”
Yeah, why am I doing that, anyway?
I’ve wanted to live in the US of A for quite a long time. Maybe longer than I realise. The desire initially sprang from a lifetime of American comics, movies, TV shows and the like; I think Stan Lee has something to answer for, as he made New York City seem like a swinging place for all mighty Marvelites. Even if the reality didn’t have occasional appearances by the mighty Thor or the invincible Iron Man, it did seem like I’d stepped onto a movie set when I finally visited in 1995.
Everywhere I’ve been in the US – and I’ve been in quite a few places, just ask the wife – has been a memorable experience, and more than once when I’ve left, I’ve yearned to get back. Sure, there are bad points, but the good points are so overwhelmingly good – at least, in my experience – that you’d be crazy not to want to live there. Over the years as my career progressed, the idea of working out there appealed more and more, but I never got the chance. Now, through fate and love and marriage, it’s all coming together.
So why am I intermittently petrified?
One reason’s obvious: while ‘moving home’ is up high on the list of Insanely Stressful Things You Can Do, adding the bonus layer of ‘in a different country’ makes it all the more special. There’s just so much more to think about, from the mundane (What furniture do we ship?) to the essential (How do I get a driving licence over there, anyway?). It’s the fact that everything may look the same, but in fact it’s just a little different, that makes the experience so weird. And at times, stressful as hell.
I’ve told myself a few times that quite frankly, it’s not as bloody bad as all that. We’re not moving to an obscure African country or the Moon. We’ll have running water and electricity, and (almost) everyone speaks (a variant of) English. It’s just very unfamiliar. No matter how many times I’ve visited, it’s not the same as living there.
Then there’s what I’m leaving behind.
To be blunt, being laid off by NCsoft has made the process of severing links with the UK a little easier to bear. A little, but not a lot. For a while there, honestly, I was living a dream – which should have been a clue that at some point, I was going to wake up. It was lovely while it lasted though, and while moving to the US (and to California to boot) will be fantastic in new and exciting ways, there’s part of me that wishes the ‘Golden Year’ of summer 2007 to summer 2008 could just be replayed forever.
I also feel that I’ve grown closer to a lot of people in the last four years than I did in the previous four. Without elaborating, the early part of this decade wasn’t the greatest time for me, personally; it had its moments, but I look at the latter half as more of a success than the former. So yeah, it does sort of suck that I’m moving thousands of miles away from people I’ve had the pleasure to get to know, and now won’t be able to just hang out with on occasion.
You are, of course, all very welcome in my beach-side Californian palace. Assuming it’s beach-side. Or a palace.
It’s all relative. There will be new friends, and new challenges, and new excitements and new horizons. All the old stuff will get neatly packaged up into memories, with the bad stuff blurred out… and the really bad erased completely.
Occasionally though – at random, unheralded moments – my mind just stops and explores the instant, and I realise I’m going to miss some of this, some of the here and now.
It might be boxed away and forgotten about, but I know I’m going to hang on to those boxes.
#1 by Shadowe at April 22nd, 2009
Have to admit that thanks to what pretty much amounts to a hefty dose of xenophobia (though generally not xenoism), the prospect of moving to live in another country absolutely petrifies me.
Props to you for having the stones to make the leap.
I already have a wife who is making interesting noises about taking a holiday in the States (actually, it’s something we’ve been planning for years (since about 2003) – we just never got around to it, partly because of my decidedly cowardly streak when it comes to leaving Britain – it was one hell of a challenge for me to take a week in Portugal early last year) – the fact that someone I know is going to be out there is something that might make it a little easier for me.
One thing I’ll say without any shame or concern is that I’ll sure as hell miss your scowling face popping up seemingly every time I turn around. Don’t you DARE fall out of touch. Far easier to make sure that doesn’t happen in this day and age, thankfully.
I suspect that over the course of the next few weeks you’re going to be excited/panicking/happy/sad – probably all at the same time, more often than not, so here’s to seeing you in Bristol, and I’ll quit now before I get all teary-eyed and stuff.
#2 by Rockjaw at April 22nd, 2009
Don’t tear up on me just yet. It wouldn’t be British.
You’d always be welcome in the Bay Area, and San Francisco, in my opinion, is hands-down the best city in the US. (There are other, great cities, but on balance it’s my favourite.) You’re looking at between £300 and £400 per air ticket, and a 10-hour flight, but it’s worth the trip. We’re certainly hoping to get a place big enough that we can take visitors, too.
Who says I haven’t been excited, panicked, happy and sad over the last six months…? But yeah, the feelings are starting to get a bit more intense, as recent blog posts have made clear.
Anyway; I will indeed see you in Bristol and hopefully again before I officially bugger off.
#3 by Erinan at April 22nd, 2009
You got me scared for a while regarding the visa process :/ NCsoft Europe was a great adventure and the best years of my relatively short life so far. I had a blast, I learned a lot, met amazing people and I now see how good the work atmosphere was. Alas, everything has to end, I just wish it hadn’t been so early.
I understand how stressful moving to a different country can be, I’ve had my share – although with fewer things to consider. When moving to Ireland (which is pretty much next door), the most difficult bit was the cat due to British Airways being rubbish and unhelpful. I hope it won’t be a problem for yours.
All the best, Stephen, and I still don’t know what you are/will be working on :p
#4 by Rockjaw at April 22nd, 2009
All will be revealed (as to what I’m working on) sooooon (TM).
Hope your cat experience doesn’t get mirrored for ours. Poor guy will be in a plane’s hold for 10+ hours…! Still, we love ‘im and couldn’t leave him behind with some random strangers.
The visa process isn’t so much… bad as it is LONG, and then there’s also the possibility that at just about any time (including next week for me, gulp) they can just say “Nope, we don’t want to let you in.” It’s the sustained high-wire act that gets draining.
#5 by optimusprym8 at April 24th, 2009
There’s no way I could move to America. I enjoyed visiting the place with work but after a week, my guts were ready to leave. I can’t stand the false positivity of the people, the working conditions and laws, the competitive, back-stabbing, lack of communication with employees (or maybe that was just That Company) and finally, the over-excessive amount of food wastage, well wastage in general, sickens me. I still want to do a coast-to-coast road trip at some point in my life though.
But am sure you’ll have a riot and all those little things that appear huge at the moment will soon disappear into nothing once you are finally there and settled.