Three months and one day ago, some woman I’d known for about six minutes got me to strip off.

“Erm, underwear as well?”

“No. You can keep those on.”

“But I was told there would be a genital inspection!” I almost shouted.

This is just one of the setbacks I’ve endured while attempting to secure a US immigration visa.

Previously, on Stephen Reid:

July 2008: “So there’s this job in San Francisco; the requirements are basically… my CV. Almost to the letter.” “You want to apply for it?” “Well, it can’t hurt. And it’s San Francisco. Although I am happy where I am…” “You should apply!”

August 2008: “They like me! So why haven’t they emailed back? Eh, I’m busy anyway.”

September 2008: “I just got laid off. Call me back?”

Early October 2008: “You know what? I’m going to let ‘em sweat for a bit. But not too long.”

Mid-October 2008: “We should start the immigration thing. Just as a precaution. I mean that lawyer said it should be easy, so….”

Late October: “They want me to fly out for the interview on Halloween. No, I’m not superstitious….”

November 2008: “Hey, I know you’re freaking out over Barack and everything, but should I take the offer?” “Well I kind of guessed you were going to say yes.” “Well, if McCain had gotten in…”

Late November 2008: “So tomorrow’s our fifth wedding anniversary, and apparently the US Immigration Service think we’ve been pretending to be married for five years.” “You understand if you sign this, you could get called to trial to swear I’m really married. You’re okay with that, right?”

December 2008: “Living in a long term hotel sucks.”

January 2009: “So now… we can actually apply for the visa? What was what we did before? The warm-up?”

February 2009: “But I was told there would be a genital inspection!”

March 2009: “Okay, so we have five years of your tax returns, three years of my tax statements, a police certificate, a birth certificate, a marriage certificate, an offer letter, and a list of everywhere I’ve lived for more than six months since I was sixteen years old. Now we can apply.”

Early April 2009: “Good news; we have a date for your visa interview. It should be easy.”

Mid-April 2009: “So I’ll fly out on May 11th… and Amanda will come a week later.”

Late April 2009: “I can’t even take my phone into the building?” … “There are no clocks in here.” … “So we just paid them $400… and they can still turn me down.” … “I’m sorry, can you say that again?” … “We’re going to have to get a joint… sponsor?” “I guess you’re not going to the US for a while, then.”

May 2009: “So you’re my sponsor now. If you like I’ll send you a picture of my favourite food, and you can tell me what life is like in the US of A.”

On tonight’s episode:

Will the US embassy okay Stephen’s visa?

If they don’t, will lawyers actually appear in person to argue the case? Or will there just be more phone calls?

If the visa is approved, will it turn up in time for Stephen to make it to E3?

Even if Stephen doesn’t make it to E3, will he and Amanda manage to find an apartment in two weeks?

And, perhaps most important of all… can Stephen divest himself of the two-year contract phone he foolishly signed up for last September, not knowing that he was going to leave the damn country less than a year later?

Stay tuned to find out!!